Narcissus’s husband: Divorce features

Life life with a daffodil – a difficult test. However, divorce with him may be an even more unpredictable event. Difficult parting, which is most likely prepared by your partner, is not a reason to stay in destructive relations, the therapist Terry Gaspar believes. It is only important not to succumb to the tricks of an experienced manipulator.

The script of the behavior of a partner that led to a divorce, psychologists call a narcissistic personality disorder. This means that a person is confident in his exclusivity. Therefore, everyone who falls into his orbit, primarily his wife and children, should treat him as indisputable authority.

If the daffodil does not receive the desired attention, then he tries to punish you. Not all of them openly violate the Criminal Code and apply physical violence. Most of them turn out to be emotional rapists, which is experienced by victims no less painful.

A person with a narcissistic disorder is deprived of compassion even in relation to the closest. You most likely will not be able to part with friends. During a divorce, it is necessary to think through a clear strategy of protection.


In the book “Disarming the Narcissist”, the psychologist Wandy Bihairi gives an example of the most dangerous representative of this type, “psychological recidivist”, deprived of any moral limiters and respect of someone else’s space. Distinctive features of such daffodils:

  1. He considers you his property and outside the fact that you got out of control. He will keep you like his victim at all costs, and for this is ready to apologize. Do not have illusions – Narcissus never repents. And if you believe, he will find a way to punish for the humiliation to which you subjected him, forcing him to ask for forgiveness.
  2. The ambitions of such a person are not supported by talents and achievements, so he suffers from low self -esteem. If he sees that you or children show interest in someone else, forgetting about his exceptional person, will begin to suffer jealousy and try to take revenge on you.

Vandy Bihairi believes that your safety at both the psychological and physical levels should be the main priority when parting with a husband-narciss. Especially if you are dealing with a “psychological recidivist”, which at the very beginning of the divorce will begin to intimidate the consequences of your decision.

It is worth completely isolating yourself from communication with him. In any negotiations, enter only in writing or through intermediaries that you trust.

Why did you choose it?

It is necessary to stop setting the interests of the former partner, which he presented as the interests of the family, above his own. “A sense of co-dependence often distinguishes those who are fascinated by a man-narcissus and marry him,” said Ross Rosenberg, author of the book “Magnit Syndrome: why do we love those who hurt”. – People prone to co -dependence easily fall into the emotional service of their half.

Narcissus, as an extremely selfish person, sees his potential sacrifice well and has a good possession of seduction techniques, trying to tie a partner as close as possible. He mistakenly takes this for signs of special proximity. And for a long time it denies that this connection is one -sided in nature: Narcissus only allows you to love yourself and take care of its interests ”.

Recognizing a painful dependence is the first step towards internal liberation from the destructive union.

How to part?

These rules of communication with the daffodil will help during the divorce:

Concentrate on what you can control. These are only your own emotions and actions. Do not spend energy to predict its actions. Do not agree to what an ex -husband imposes on you, avoiding possible conflicts and supporting the illusion of a truce. Imagine that during the divorce he turns into a complex business partner, with whom you are forced to cooperate and achieve a profitable result for yourself. From now on your motto: “Only facts and nothing personal”.

Set the clear boundaries. Narcissus, as a person with a high degree of conflict, will try to provoke any, even negative attention on your part. Before you meet in advance, think through a conversation plan and try not to retreat from it. If he begins to translate the topic, convince you to return, say: “The relationship is over for me, we have different roads. It is important for you to accept this “. If it insists, leave.

Do not demonstrate sincere emotions. First of all, never apologize. The partner will immediately interpret this as a manifestation of weakness and try to turn it to itself, imposing solutions that contradict your interests.

Clearly track the moment when you begin to show feelings and emotions (this can be a state of guilt, despair or panic) and say “stop” to yourself. Remember that your goal is a divorce on the most favorable conditions for you and children.

Take care of support. You should be surrounded by people who completely share your position, who will not try to reconcile the parties in the name of preserving the family. Do not reject the professional assistance of the therapist and/or lawyer. Close will be required not only in a psychologically difficult moment when it is important that you are heard. If the partner begins to threaten, negotiate with him only in the presence of a third party.